


Fat and Alone

by TSMaster



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Basement Gerard Way, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Fat Shaming, High School AU, M/M, Pencey Prep - Freeform, Punk Frank Iero, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-03-05 10:41:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3117083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TSMaster/pseuds/TSMaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard Way is fat, and he knows it thanks to Frank Iero and his gang of friends. His life is a living hell with their constant name-calling and joking. He tells himself that he'll never forgive Frank Iero, but he can't help but feel a strange attraction towards him. Frank and his buddies like to poke fun at Gerard - branding him 'the fat kid', without realising the damage they do. But eventually Frank discovers more about Gerard and unintentionally starts to like the guy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea from a fanfic I read on deviantART a while back, but it wasn't written too well and I thought I could do better. It's not exactly the same but the general ideas are similar.

Gerard Way was fat. There was no denying that. Gerard had always been the fat kid. He wasn't so bad in elementary school, but when the bullying began in middle school, he started piling on the pounds. Now he was past the point of 'chubby'. He was wobbly, bumbling, two-seats-on-the-bus obese. He couldn't help himself, food had become a necessity to him. He was a laughing stock, and he knew it too: when he looked at himself in the mirror in the morning, when he saw people's heads turn as he walked to school, when he sat down to eat dinner. He hated himself every day for it. But he felt the lowest whenever Frank Iero was around. 

Frank Iero was a Sophomore in high school, the same as Gerard. He could easily pick Gerard out in a crowd (not that it was too hard) but didn't have a clue what his name was – he and his friend's had just labelled him as 'that fat kid'. Frank knew Gerard was in some of his classes, he just didn't take the time to learn anything about him. Him and his friend's would be too busy poking fun at him and disrupting the class. 

Gerard hated them, he despised them, he wanted to disappear whenever he saw that particular gang of boys heading down the corridor towards him. He'd spent countless nights in front of the mirror pulling at the rolls around his hips and belly. He wished he could just cut it off. He hated the cellulite on his thighs and the stretch marks round on his stomach and the way the fat just spilled over the top of every pair of trousers he owned. 

Frank was fully aware that the kid could hear him when his group of friends were talking about him a little too loudly during English. “He's a gothopotamus” Shaun smirked, swinging on his chair. The five of them cracked up. “He's so fat cause he ate his feelings” Tim chimed in, making the rest of them laugh harder. “When he's sad he cuts himself... a slice of cake” Neil added. “Oh god, stop, stop” Frank butted in, gasping for air and holding his tummy “my stomach hurts from laughing.” John glanced over at the fat kid in the Metallica t-shirt at the front of the room. He could definitely hear them, but was trying not to pay attention. “No, seriously guys” Frank started, sitting up in his chair and addressing the other four. “Band practice? Mine? After school?” he looked round at the four faces in front of him. They all nodded and hummed in agreement. “Good. We've only got one chance at this, so lets not fuck it up” he said seriously. “Alright, we get it” Tim groaned. Frank was of course hinting at the fact that their band had landed their first gig at a proper bar next month. All Frank wanted to do was be a musician, so this was a big deal for him. He could only hope everyone else got their asses into gear so they could nail it. 

Gerard knew about Franks' band. 'Pencey Prep' they'd decided to call it. Well, Gerard thought it was a stupid name if you ask him, but nobody ever asked him. His brother Mikey was amazing at coming up with band names and if Frank had been a bit nicer to Gerard he could've suggested one. Instead, Gerard had resorted to browsing their Facebook page and listening to every song on Youtube. “They're not even good!” he whined, looking over at Mikey, who was in the middle of a level on 'Left for Dead'. “Why are you listening to them then?” he retorted, not looking away from the screen. Gerard just huffed and continued scrolling through their timeline. “I don't get why everyone likes them, that's all” he mumbled. Everyone in his year made a big deal about their shows. They'd played a few 'gigs' in Tim's garage and in the school hall, and there'd always be tons of photos all over twitter and Facebook afterwards. Gerard didn't see the big deal, it's not like they were the next Beatles. They had no chance of 'making it' in the music industry. Mikey knew his brother only cared about Pencey Prep because they were so horrible to him, so he was taking out his anger on their music. He didn't mind much, Gerard had every right to be angry, but it got on his nerves when he was trying to focus on his game. 

Mikey was in the year below and he knew what Gerard would go through. He'd seen it happen time and time again. He'd be walking through the hall and just so happen to see one of them call out something horrible to him, or overhear them talking and laughing about him. Gerard pretended not to know his brother when they were at school because he didn't want him getting attacked too, which Mikey was secretly grateful for. It frustrated him to no end seeing his brother in so much pain. He'd sometimes walk past Gerard's bedroom door at night and hear him crying. He would've done something already if he could, but he was lanky and weak and two years younger than Frank and his friends. 

He always tried to re-assure Gerard. Their Mom did too. She'd always tell him he was beautiful the way he was and just to wait until he grew a bit more and 'one day' he'd blossom into a handsome young man. Gerard couldn't see that happening, he figured if he was going to blossom into anything it would've already happened by now. He figured he'd finished growing so there was nothing else he could do. He so desperately wanted to lose weight but he wasn't strong enough.

Mikey could deal with the name-calling and the whispering and tittering behind his back, he knew Gerard could safely ignore that. But when things started to get a little more physical, he couldn't help but get angrier. On one particular day, when he'd approached Gerard in the cafeteria at lunch, someone did something he'd never seen before. 

“Gothopotamus!”

He heard someone yell from behind him. Gerard bowed his head and looked at the floor while his brother spun round to see who it was. It was obvious who the voice belonged to, since they were now rolling with laughter at a table with all their other friends. Mikey felt rage building up inside him as he realised who the culprit was. 

“Hey, Fatso!” they called again before his friends' shushed him. 

It was Frank Iero and his gang of buddies. Mikey spun round to face his brother. “How long have they been shouting stuff at you!?” he exclaimed. “A while now” Gerard uttered nonchalantly, this was just a day in the life for him. “They can't do that, why don't you tell the principal!?” he said, trying to get Gerard to look at him. “Cause he wont do anything, and if they found out I was trying to get them in trouble they'd bully me even more!” he protested. Mikey sighed in defeat, turning around and shooting the table of boys a dirty look. “Well, I was just gonna say I'm not gonna be home for dinner tonight, I'm going to Ray's after school” he said, his voice returning to its usual monotone. “Alright” “Tell Mom for me, will you?” “Okay.” 

Mikey hoped that was the last he'd hear of Frank and his little group, he knew it wasn't, so he shouldn't of been so surprised when the bullying escalated. He'd forgotten about it a few days later and was playing video games in the living room when Gerard came home from school. The sounds of gunshots filled the living room as he slayed virtual zombies. He almost didn't notice Gerard come through the door, but when he had, he did a double take. 

“Jesus, Gerard!” he gasped, looking at the state of his older brother.

He had bits of food in his hair and the remnants of what looked like Spaghetti poured down the front of his shirt. “What the hell happened!?” he shrieked, jumping up from the couch. Gerard was sweaty and red in the face from running home. “Frank...” was all he managed to say before bursting into tears. “Oh god” Mikey groaned, unsure of what to do at first. “Let's get you cleaned up, eh?” he suggested, guiding his blubbering brother to the bathroom. “What is this?” he asked, indicating to the red sauce all over Gerard's shirt. “Lasagne.” He tutted and shook his head, lifting the shirt up over his head and dropping it in the laundry basket. “Don't look at my stomach!” Gerard whined, putting his hands over his body. “Don't be ridiculous!” Mikey shushed, rolling his eyes. “Did they throw this stuff at you?” he asked, picking bits of the sauce and pasta out of Gerard's long, black hair. “They followed me home” he snivelled. “I swear to god, I'll kill them” Mikey muttered, fussing over his brother. “Don't” Gerard said. Mikey knew he wouldn't actually do anything, he didn't have the guts to. But at that moment he just wanted to swing for something. “You don't have to put up with this” he said, looking his older brother in the eye. “I know” Gerard had heard that line a million times. Even now when Mikey was saying it, he still didn't feel motivated to do something about it. He'd just put up with it for the few years he had left of high school.


	2. Fat and Alone - Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank and the band come to a dilemma and Mikey confronts them.

“Fuck!” Frank exclaimed, his voice echoing off the concrete walls of Tim's garage. “What?” John asked from a stool in the corner. Frank sighed irritatedly and threw the crumpled up piece of paper he was holding on the floor. “This set list is way too short! We have five extra minutes” he said, running a hand through his hair exasperatedly. “Well, we'll just talk for five minutes” Shaun said, shoving another handful of M&M's in his mouth. “Problem solved” he said as bits of chocolate and peanuts flew out his mouth. “We can't just sit and talk, people don't wanna hear that shit” Frank replied, sitting down on a battered amp and closing his eyes. He'd been so stressed about these rehearsals, they couldn't seem to get the songs right and now they needed to come up with another one from scratch to fill in the extra ten-to-fifteen minutes on their set list. 

“Well we can just write something else” Neil shrugged. 

“Yeah, nice one genius, about what?” Frank snarled. Neil recoiled a little in offence, Frank was admittedly being a dick for no reason. 

“Oh!” Shaun gasped, his eyes going wide. “I've got an idea” he laughed. “What is it?” Frank asked, getting up from where he was sitting. Shaun could barely get his words out he was laughing so hard. “What is it Shaun!?” Frank demanded, walking over to the keyboardist and shaking him. “Right, I heard this song that goes a little bit like this” he said, getting up and walking over to the keyboard to play quite a simple tune. “The original lyrics were something like 'sad and alone' but I think we should change it to 'fat and alone'” he smirked, looking around at the rest of the guys. Tim and Neil started to laugh and Frank just shot him a puzzled look. “About the gothopotamus” Shaun added. Frank rolled his eyes and looked at his band members who were falling over one another with laughter. “This is serious, what the hell are we gonna write?” Frank nagged, trying to get everyone to focus. “No, no just hear me out!” Shaun pressed on, turning to the keyboard and playing the tune again and nodding to the beat. “Fat and alone... You're out on your own” he started to sing, making the guys laugh harder. Frank wasn't too keen on plagiarism, he'd hoped Shaun hadn't just lifted the lyrics from another song and changed one or two words. “Are you sure this will be long enough?” he asked. “Yeah, sure man we can just change the lyrics” the keyboardist assured him. “What if that kid finds out?” Frank asked. “Who cares” Neil, their lead guitarist, piped up. Frank didn't really mind if the kid knew or not, he just didn't want to get in trouble from the principal. At that point, he was desperate, and the chords seemed simple enough to learn in a few hours. 

Mikey was still fuming when he got to school the next day. He'd been thinking of what he would say to Frank and his his little gang all night and it had really riled him up. He thought he'd calm down by the time he got to school, but he hadn't. There was adrenaline pumping through his veins, which was making him quite jittery. “You won't say anything, will you Mikes?” Gerard asked timidly, trying to keep up with his little brother as he stormed through the double doors. “I just wanna talk to him” Mikey said through gritted teeth. “Mikey, no!” Gerard protested, falling behind a little. “You don't have to!- just let me talk to him” he begged, but the scrawny fifteen-year-old wasn't stopping or showing any sign of slowing down. He knew where they sat at lunch and break, so he assumed that’s where they'd be before the bell went. He pushed open the door to the cafeteria, gaining the attention of a few people who were scattered out amongst the tables. There they were, in the top corner, farthest from the door. They were all sprawled out in their chairs and the one with short, spiky brown hair had his feet up on the table.

“Mikey, please-” Gerard started, barely whispering in case someone heard. “Stay here” Mikey ordered, putting his hand on the boys shoulder briefly before heading over. He marched over to their table, only catching their attention when he was a few feet away. They all turned and looked at him, their smirks fading into intimidating stares. Mikey stopped about a meter away and took a deep breath. “What the hell did you do to my brother?!” he demanded, his hands clenching into fists. 

They were stunned for a second at this sudden act of defiance. They looked at Mikey, then at each other, then broke into uncontrollable laughter. Mikey felt a stab of pain, feeling momentarily setback by their brash reaction. “I'm fucking serious! He came home looking like a state yesterday!” he yelled over their cackling. They stopped again and looked over at him. “He comes home in a state every day” Neil sniggered, setting everyone off again. Everyone except their unofficial leader, Frank. “I'ts not fucking funny!” the scrawny boy raised his voice. “Why do you keep doing shit like this!? What did he do to you?” he gestured over at his brother, who was waiting nervously by the entrance. “We didn't fucking do anything” Frank yelled back, sitting forward in his chair and staring Mikey down. “Oh so it was just another pack of boys that fit your exact description!” the smaller boy retorted sarcastically. Frank slammed his hand down on the table and stood up, trying to scare this weird little kid away. It worked a little as he noticed him flinch. “I don't even know your brother” Frank spat. That was almost true, he didn't know anything about him, but he knew of him. “Yeah” Neil chimed in. Their guitarist didn't really know when to keep his mouth shut. 

Mikey realised there was nothing else he could do. They were flat-out denying what they'd done. He held his tongue and turned, walking off in the other direction. He had been defeated. His heart was pounding in his chest and his breathing was laboured. “Yeah, walk away!” they all jeered, laughing and yelling crude things after him. He was certain one of them threw a pencil at him, but he wasn't sure. “What did they say?” Gerard asked when his brother retreated. Mikey ignored him, walking straight past his brother as if he was invisible, not bothering to hold the door for him. “Mikey are you okay?” he asked, walking after him again. He wanted to make sure his brother was okay, but he also didn't want to make him even more angry. He'd noticed Mikey's hands were shaking and his chest was rising and falling rapidly. “Mikey-” he started, but the scrawny brunette wasn't having any of it. “Shut up!” he ordered, turning around and shooting him a piercing glare. Gerard hadn't done anything wrong of course, but he was pissed off and frustrated and Gerard was the only person there he could inflict it on. He saw his face fall, his black hair was a mess and his cheeks were red. “Leave me alone” Mikey said bluntly, before turning and hurrying away from him. 

“What was all that about?” Neil thought aloud when the skinny kid with glasses had left. “I dunno man, I didn't realise they were related” Shaun replied. “Psh, don't look related, that kid looked anorexic” Tim added. “I know right, talk about complete opposites” Neil sniggered. Frank wasn't listening, his blood pressure was sky high. He barely ever had confrontations with other people. Sure, he took the piss out of a few kids while their backs were turned, but his behaviour never got called out. “Frank” Shaun said, nudging his friend on the arm. “What?” he growled in response. “We were just wondering if there was practice tonight?” Frank came out of his trance and blinked at the keyboardist. The only other sensible one besides Frank was Shaun. If there were only two people in the band that got stuff done, it was the pair of them. “No, no practice tonight” Frank sighed, shaking his head “I've got stuff to do” he uttered. “Psh, like what? You've only got one exam this year and that's music” Neil scoffed. “I said I've got stuff to do” Frank repeated, glaring at the guitarist. Neil was a bit dim sometimes, but he was a decent guitarist and back-up vocalist. 

Gerard spent the rest of the day staring off into space. He wondered what Frank had said to Mikey that made him so mad. He wanted to know, but at the same time he realised he probably shouldn't. It was probably something horrible about him. He didn't understand why his brother had put the blame on him either. He felt like crying when he shoved him and told him to shut up. He was used to Frank and the others (he hadn't learnt all their names) those words didn't hurt too badly any more, but when his own brother said that to him, it cut deep. When he got home that day and found Mikey in the front room playing video games, he was lost for words. “Hi” he said, putting his bag down on the floor. “Hi yourself” he replied, the TV screen reflecting on his glasses. He watched his little brother for a few moments as he raced through a programmed city in a virtual car. “I didn't come home covered in food this time” he laughed a little, looking at Mikey for a reaction. “Good, those little shits better not try that again” he replied. Gerard sighed a little and turned to leave, when Mikey finally spoke up. “Look, I'm sorry for yelling at you, alright?” he sighed. He clearly wasn't too good at apologies. “It's not your fault, you didn't deserve that” he continued. Gerard nodded and smiled. “Thanks” he said, before heading up to his room.


	3. Fat and Alone - Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank is excited for the Pencey Prep show but Gerard is sick of hearing about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please listen to this before you read this if you haven't already, just to get an idea of the song.   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPpM8Z5byzs

Frank couldn't focus the entire Friday afternoon. He was so nervous and excited about their show that night he could barely contain himself. That anxious feeling was bubbling up inside of him and making him feel a bit sick. “Have you all practiced?” he asked when they were in Biology. “Yeah” they all chimed. “Why aren't you guys excited?” he asked, looking around at the blank faces of his band members. “We are, we're just tired cause you had us out 'til eleven last night” Shaun groaned, looking down at his textbook. “Oh, have a nap and get over it” Frank rolled his eyes. He'd had the same amount of sleep as them but he was still raring to go. It was usually him who was the most enthusiastic about the band, to the others it was just a hobby. But to him, it was a lifestyle. He only focused on one thing in school, and that was music. It was the only thing he took a real interest in. Everyone else had their own area of expertise outside music, Shaun was into art and Tim was good at Science and Neil... well Neil wasn't really an intellectual but he enjoyed other things besides music. “You all know how to get there right?” Frank piped up eagerly. “Dude we drive past that place all the time, we all know” Tim groaned. “I'm just asking!” Frank snapped defensively. It was so irritating being the only excited one. 

Gerard didn't know about the show, not until lunch time. He walked down the corridor on his way to the cafeteria only to see a huge crowd of people in the foyer. He squinted and tried to see what they were all fighting about as he got closer, when he saw one of Frank's accomplices poke his head out above the crowd. “Alright, alright guys, why don't you just form a queue!” he said, jumping up on a chair. Gerard ducked his head and prayed he didn't notice him, but it was pretty hard not too when he was a huge, black target. “Hey, Gothopotamus!” someone called. He spun round and looked at them, cursing at himself internally that he'd actually responded to that name. “You coming to our show tonight?” the one on the chair grinned. What was he called again? Niall? He had a stack of paper tickets in one hand and a fistful of dollars in the other. “I'm sure you'd enjoy it” he smirked. Gerard blushed and ducked his head down, hurrying away in case he tried to say something else degrading and insulting. He went to push open the door to the cafeteria when he noticed a poster stuck to the glass panel. 'PENCEY PREP AT THE BLACK LAMP – 16/5/14' it read in bold, black letters. There was a bunch of other smaller text that Gerard didn't care enough to read. He hated the fact that they were successful, it only inflated their ego's even more. It seemed like everyone at school was going, even the kids who weren't into punk music. He guessed most of them just saw this as a free way to get into a bar when you're under-age. 

He couldn't escape it for the entire day, if it wasn't one of Frank's disciples throwing tickets in his face, it was one of those awful posters or someone talking to their friend about it. Why was this such a big deal for everyone? Even when he got home he couldn't escape it. Before he could even get his bag off Mikey had blocked his way to the stairs and was shoving paper in his face. “Are you going to the Pencey Prep show tonight?” he asked, waving two tickets around. “No! God! Just leave me alone” he cursed, pushing Mikey to the side and heading upstairs. “Wow, what's up with you?” Mikey called after him, following him up the stairs. It was quite a stupid question seeing as there was always something wrong in Gerards' life. “I'm just sick of hearing about this stupid show, they're not even good!” Mikey understood now. He'd always acted like he hated their music but he heard Gerard blaring their songs in his bedroom all the time. “Fine, suit yourself” Mikey said. “I'm not going either” he nodded. Gerard ignored him and went to his room, slamming the door behind him. He just wanted to forget about what happened that day. 

Frank was hopping around the green room nervously while everyone practiced. “You all remember the order of the songs right?” he asked, his eyes darting round the room at everyone. “Yep” Neil said, answering for everyone. They were all terrified, it was their first proper show. Frank still couldn't believe they were here. Shaun came running back into the room, interrupting their warm up “Guys, there's so many people out there!” he muttered. “Really? How many?” Frank grinned, turning and looking at his friend. “I dunno, the bar's full though.” He said, walking over and stealing Neil's bottle of water. “Oh my god!” Frank squealed with excitement, jumping up on the spot. “I'm so fucking nervous” Tim said, taking a deep breath. “Don't worry, we'll be fine” Frank assured before someone knocked on their dressing room door and yelled at them to get on stage. Everyone froze for a second before gathering up their instruments and filing out. 

Shaun was right, there were so many people. He was shaking so hard when they first went out until everyone started cheering and clapping. That urged him on a little as he fiddled with the mic stand, adjusting it so it was in line with his mouth. The sound check guys were clearly unaware that Frank was vertically challenged. “Hey guys we're Pencey Prep” he said once everyone was ready. The audience cheered in response and Frank could pick out a few familiar faces in the crowd. “This songs' called 'P.S Don't Write'” again, they were met with an encouraging cheer. He was pretty sure ninety percent of the people in there had no idea what any of their songs were, but he didn't care. When they started playing, everything else melted away and Frank was in his element. 

“Holy shit that was so good!” he cheered when they got back into their dressing room. “Did you hear them? They went wild” he grinned. Somewhere during the second last song he'd managed to rip his shirt off, exposing his pale,sweaty chest. “Dude, gross, get away from me” Shaun protested when Frank leered over him. “I'm so happy” Frank sighed happily, collapsing back onto the couch. “That last song went quite well actually” Neil mentioned. He was talking about the song they'd written for Gerard, although they still referred to him by his unofficial nickname – 'Gothopotamus'. “It wasn't too bad seeing as we wrote it two days ago” Shaun agreed, reaching for a bottle of water. They were all panting and sweating with their hair stuck to their foreheads and mouths covered in spit. Frank would've been disgusted if he wasn't overwhelmed with excitement. He could die happily now that he'd played a live show. It was like a dream come true. 

Gerard was asleep while all this went on, he'd decided to go to bed early due to boredom. But this wasn't the last he'd hear of Frank's show. He woke up late the next day, rolling over and checking his phone, like he always did. Today, it was different though. Today he actually had a notification. He shot up and squinted down at the screen, he'd read that right, Neil Sabatino had sent him a Facebook message. The name rang a bell, but he didn't realise who it was until he opened the message and saw his profile picture. It was one of Franks friends, the one who'd yelled at him the other day. He waited for the message to load, a tingling sensation building up in his chest as he waited.

'Hey gothopotamus, so sad u missed the show last night, someone managed to film it for you though ;)' 

Gerard furrowed his brows and read the message again. For a split second he thought he was being genuine. After his statement there was a Youtube link to what Gerard established was from their show. He clicked it and it lead him to a video titled: 'Pencey Prep – Fat and Alone at the Black Lamp NJ'. He didn't recognise the username of the person who posted it, but he assumed it was someone at his school. The video was quite blurry and shaky and he had to plug his headphones in to hear it properly. The video started off with Frank standing in a spotlight, talking into the mic. He couldn't quite hear what he was saying but he could just make out the end of his speech. 

“This songs' dedicated to a charming young boy in our class. This ones for you, big guy. Here's 'Fat and Alone'” 

Gerard's heart sank as he watched his band member pick up and acoustic guitar and begin to play. He saw the other band members sniggering in the background, including their keyboardist.

“Fat and alone... You're out on your own. No one is calling, on your telephone” 

Frank began to sing, strumming his own guitar. Gerard's eyes began to sting as the words became clear in his head. 

“Things aren't getting any better” 

He continued. Frank had a nice singing voice, Gerard could appreciate that when he listened to their album in his room alone, and it wasn't as whiny in this video. But Gerard could feel nothing but hatred when he heard those lyrics. All that hope and surprise he'd felt when he saw Neil's message had gone and was replaced with his own self-pity.

“... and you've stretched out all your sweaters” 

Gerard felt tears welling up in his eyes as the audience began to laugh. He could just make out Neil's backing vocals behind Franks', repeating the title of the song over and over in a whiny, high pitched tone. 

“Things aren't getting any brighter, and you're not getting any lighter.”   
“Fat and a-lone!” 

Gerard couldn't take it, he burst into tears. For some crazy reason he felt like he'd deserved it. He yanked his headphones out his ears before he could hear any more and hurled his phone across the room. He hated the fact that he'd let himself become so huge. He'd made himself into a laughing stock. He didn't blame them for making fun of him, he brought it upon himself. Something changed in him after he heard that song. After that, he swore to himself he was going to lose weight, and he was going to do it by any means necessary.


	4. Fat and Alone - Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard tries an extreme tactic to lose weight and Mikey finds out about the song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've added a trigger warning into the tags of this, but I'll say it here too since this is where it all starts. There will be mention and description of eating disorders in this story. I'm not condoning eating disorders, but I've been through it before when I was younger and I know how it feels. This

Gerard had made a pact with himself that he wasn't going to eat. It was an extreme tactic – but he couldn't stand the thought of putting on weight. He'd been pushed to breaking point, and this was the final straw. He just hoped he had enough self control to stick with it. Years ago, he would've never believed he'd be one of those people with eating disorders, he never saw the point in starving himself. But once he'd been sent over the edge all his common sense went haywire. 

Mikey was oblivious to this agreement that Gerard had come to. He didn't notice any difference in Gerard. Most of the time his brother stayed in his room, so he couldn't exactly monitor his moods or actions all the time. He didn't know anything about what happened at the Pencey Prep gig either. He didn't find out about the song until he went back to school on Monday. It wasn't Gerard who told him either, it was his friend Ray. 

“Dude, you okay?” he asked gingerly when Mikey sat down beside him in Geography. “Yeah, fine” Mikey nodded, clearly not realising the concern in Ray's voice. Ray had heard the song the previous night on Youtube after someone sent him the link. It seemed like everyone had seen it and there was around 1,000 views. Ray had assumed that Mikey saw it already, so he was shocked to see that he didn't have some kind of reaction. “Is... Gerard alright?” he asked, giving Mikey a puzzled look. It was only then that his friend turned to look at him. “Yeah? He's fine.” Mikey was squinting suspiciously at Ray, as if he was hiding something. “Why?” he stared at Ray, who started to realise that Mikey and Gerard clearly hadn't heard about what happened at the show. “Did you not see that video?” “What video?” Ray glanced at the teacher, who was in the middle of lecturing them about the formation of sand bars. “I'll show you at lunch alright.” 

Mikey was in suspense all day up until lunch. He hoped he wasn't going to show him another gross shock video like two girls one cup. That was horrible. But he'd looked genuinely distraught when he'd asked him, which gave Mikey the idea that it involved him. As soon as lunch rolled around he skipped going to the cafeteria and headed straight for the quad where he and Ray spent their breaks. When he got to the picnic table that they usually sat at, Ray and Bob were hunched around Rays phone, staring at the screen. “What're you guys looking at?” Mikey asked curiously when he neared the table. “I need to show you this” Ray said, patting the seat beside him. Mikey looked at the two of them nervously. They both knew something important that he didn't. “What's this about?” “Just let me show you.” 

Mikey didn't get to see the last of the song. He only got about thirty seconds in when he shot up from his seat and started hurtling towards the school building. “Mikey, no!” Ray called after him. His two friends bolted after him, trying to stop their scrawny friend from making a fool out of himself. Before Mikey could make it to the building, Ray grabbed him around the waist, stopping him from getting anywhere. “Let me go!” he screamed, thrashing around. It was a pretty weird sight for the rest of the people sitting in the quad and the people inside that could see them through the window, but Ray and Bob were afraid that Mikey would go too far and end up getting beaten up. “It's not worth it, what can you do?” Bob yelled over Mikey's screaming. “I'm gonna kick the shit out of him! I'm gonna knock his fucking teeth out” he was seething with anger. Ray understood how Mikey felt and he'd probably be right there with him if they weren't a year younger than Frank. 

Gerard noticed the scene his brother was making as he was walking through the corridor. He saw Ray grab him from behind and attempt to pull him back to the bench but his brother was flailing and screaming and kicking. He burst through one of the doors and into the quad, running over to see what had happened.

“Mikey! What's wrong?” he said, biting his lip nervously. Mikey turned his head and looked at his older brother, who was panting from running across the grass towards him. “That Frank fucking Iero and his stupid band!” he shoved Ray off aggressively and faced his older brother. “They played this horrible song at their gig...” He began, shaking his head and adjusting his glasses which had just about fallen off. “I know” Gerard muttered, looking at the ground “I heard it.” “You have!?” Mikey exploded. “Why didn't you tell me sooner? Jesus” he said, taking a deep breath and trying to contain himself. “Cause I didn't want you to be worried.” Ray and Bob were both looking at Gerard now. The chubby 16-year-old looked as if he was about to start crying. And to be honest, he wasn't far off it. Gerard hated putting his brother under so much stress, he didn't want his problems to get projected onto him. “Just don't acknowledge them, don't give them any attention” Ray said, putting a comforting hand on Mikey's shoulder. 

Mikey listened to him. He decided it was going to be a waste of energy approaching them altogether like that, he remembered how well that went last time. He realised how irrational his tantrum was and it wasn't really helping Gerard. If he wanted to make any difference, he had to get Frank alone, without his clique. 

Gerard was going strong on his strike of not eating. He hadn't eaten for two days, but for him it seemed like an eternity. His stomach constantly felt empty and for the first day it wouldn't stop grumbling. When he got home from school on the second day, there was a familiar scent wafting from the kitchen that instantly reminded him of how empty his stomach felt. He walked over to the kitchen, following that familiar smell. When he poked his head round the door, his Mom was standing unpacking shopping bags. “Hey” she said when she noticed him. She picked up a tin of beans “You gonna help me unpack?” she asked and proceeded to stock the cabinet. “What are you cooking?” Gerard asked, looking over at the oven. “Apple crumble” she said, her eyes not straying from the job she was in the middle of doing. Apple crumble, Gerard started salivating. He loved everything apple: pie, crumble, turnover. “It's for after dinner so don't get any ideas” she warned. Gerard came out of his trance and walked out of the kitchen. He always took his dinner upstairs to eat in his room, he was lucky enough that his Mom was okay with that. He could easily dispose of it in the bin behind his bed or out the window, where the birds would eat it. 

When his Mom called him down for a slice of apple crumble, he found it hard to say no. “How many slices do you want?” she asked Gerard, who was hanging back at the kitchen door. “Uh, I'm fine, I don't want any” he mumbled. “What?” his Mom turned to look at him with her knife in hand. “This is your favourite though, I made is special” she said, giving him those pitying eyes. He glanced at her, then at the tray of golden-brown baked goodness on the counter. “I'll just have one then” he uttered, so as not to disappoint her. She cut him quite a big slice and put it on a plate for him to take up to his room. When he got to his room he closed the door and sat on his bed with the plate in his lap. He was starving and it smelt so wonderful. Steam was still rising from it and the apple chunks were gleaming in the dim light. He picked it up in his chubby fingers and took a tiny bite, not a whole mouthful. He chewed it delicately and swallowed. He could feel it as it went down his throat and into his stomach. Instantly, he regretted it. Guilt washed over him and the sweet smell started to make him feel sick. He picked up the plate and walked across the room and tipped the rest of it into the trash. He hoped that tiny bite had enough nutrition to last him for a little while. Gerard was good at Biology, he knew his body needed nourishment every once in a while. 

For the rest of the night, right up until he was trying to go to sleep, Gerard's stomach growled. It was probably trying to reap as much as it could from that tiny morsel of food he'd given it. Gerard wished he'd never done it now because he couldn't get to sleep from the gurgling and growling. He turned onto his side, putting his hand on his stomach and sighing. He wasn't proud of himself so far, it had only been two days and he'd broke his streak. He cursed at himself and made an agreement that he'd try harder. He just hoped his Mom didn't cook anything too nice for dinner tomorrow.


	5. Fat and Alone - Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard see's a little bit of progress and Frank decides enough is enough.

Gerard's struggle with hunger had been going on for about a month before he saw any progress. He'd been weighing himself every day and had only slipped up twice. Once when he'd been out shopping with his Mom and she'd suggested they get some lunch. He had no way of getting rid of the food or saying no without seeming suspicious so he'd been forced to eat half a guilt-ridden sandwich. The second time he'd done it himself after a particularly horrible day at school. He'd came home and purged himself on packs of crisps and biscuits. He felt even worse afterwards as he'd brainwashed himself into thinking that he was disgusting and the sight of him eating was deplorable. 

Every day he'd weigh himself on the set of old, plastic scales in the bathroom. Gerard never saw a use for it until now, and he'd never seen anyone else in the house use it. When he first stepped up onto the scales and saw himself over the 200lbs mark, he panicked. It was like a slap in the face. He decided his first goal would be to get below that digit. It seemed pretty hopeful at the time, but he decided he wouldn't forgive himself if he didn't at least get to that point. 

After the first few weeks of fasting, he was ready to give up. He started off his day like he always did, staring himself in the bathroom mirror, lifting up his shirt; poking at the horrible, flabby, stretch-mark-ridden skin on his stomach; pushing the fat in and sucking in his gut to get a glimpse of what his ideal body would look like. He sighed, defeated, then pulled his shirt back down. He took a step onto the scales for what felt like the hundredth time and watched the scale whirr until it landed onto its final number. He was pleasantly surprised that morning that the number had changed. He peered down at it, squinting to make sure it was right. According to the scale, he'd lost just ten pounds. He was slightly hopeful, but more so disappointed. Ten pounds was just a tiny percentage of the fat he wanted to lose. It had been a month, but it felt like an eternity, how long was it going to take? Ten pounds didn't make any sort of difference in his appearance, which is what he was really going for. He stepped off the scale and unlocked the bathroom door, making his way back to his room to get ready for school. 

Mikey was all but unaware of what his brother was doing. He saw his brother take his meals up to his room every day and come back with clean plates, so how could he suspect something? He was completely oblivious to the dysphoria that was slowly taking root in Gerards' mind. Sure, his brother came home sad most days, but he'd been like that for the past few years. Of course, Mikey would do something to help him if he could, but all he could attempt to do was assure him that everything was going to be okay and that he was fine the way he was. 

Gerard was thankful that his family didn't know. He figured he could handle this himself, and if they found out they would only worry more and try to persuade him he was okay the way he was, when he knew he wasn't. It was so glaringly obvious that there was something wrong with him and that had been proved to him every single day by Frank Iero. He truly believed he was [utting himself through this for himself, but in reality, somewhere in the back of his mind, he was trying to prove something to the person he hated most. 

Frank himself was quite the polar opposite of Gerard in his current state. He was healthy, active, and ate as much as he could. He wasn't a gym bunny or a health freak, he just knew what was good for him and indulged himself while he could. He had a pretty average metabolism but he kept on top of his weight by jogging and muscle workouts every evening. The fact that he sweat out his whole body weight in water on stage helped too – he was a very energetic performer. 

Every night he'd do a few press-ups and crunches. Not a crazy amount – just enough so he could feel his muscles ache a bit to tell him it was doing him good. He went out jogging usually late at night when he had the sudden impulse. It was mostly for relaxation and to burn up some of the pent up energy he had. Sometimes he thought he must have ADHD from the restlessness he suffered through the night. A quick jog before bed usually sorted that.

Frank was hopelessly oblivious to everyone else's outlook on him. To everyone else at school he was an irritating, loud-mouthed, dick because of the people he'd chosen to surround himself with. In reality, they just stuck to him like glue. He'd immersed himself in this group of talkative assholes and they'd somehow appointed him as their leader. They were loud so Frank didn't have to be. Frank thought people had understood that he was the quiet, stoic one of the group. So it was a shock to him when he heard people label them as 'Frank and his gang' or 'Frank and those other boys' and 'Frank and those assholes'. Once he'd thought long and hard about it, he didn't really like any of them completely. The one person he thought of as a friend was Shaun, but even he wasn't very close with him. He didn't intentionally try to hurt people, it was just much easier to laugh at the guys' stupid jokes and go along with what they said than to kick up a fuss. 

So after Mikey (or 'that weird, skinny kid') scolded him that day, he took it badly. Mikey had blamed Frank personally. That line 'you and your friends' struck a particularly sour note with him. Frank didn't think he'd done much wrong, he never initiated any of the bullying or attacking that went on, and when he denied the accusation of throwing food at his brother, he wasn't lying. He lived in a completely different direction to the other guys, meaning he never walked home with them and wasn't there when it happened. 

“Did you actually throw that stuff at him?” Frank asked Shaun when they were in English. “Well, I threw a bit, but it was mostly Neil and Tim.” Frank sighed and cupped his face in his hands. Tim and Neil were the most ruthless of them all, they made the cruellest jokes and were the first ones to start picking on Gerard directly. Shaun and Frank were the only ones who seemed to have any common sense.“What about John?” Frank asked. “He doesn't walk home with us.” John had taken part in some of the bullying, but he just went along with anything the group was doing that day. 

Frank never asked for any of this to happen, it was a bit of playground ribbing at first but now the other guys – cough cough, Tim and Neil – had taken it too far. “What's your problem? He's not gonna go to the principal” Shaun said, nudging his visibly distressed friend on the shoulder. He was referring to the kid they'd been bullying, Frank still didn't know his name. “I know, but it's just not funny anymore” he sighed, taking his hands away from his face and looking at the floor. As arrogant and defensive as Frank was, he wasn't completely heartless. His mother raised him to have morals and he did realise his friends' were probably hurting that poor guy. “We need to tell them to stop” Frank said “I mean, we've had our fun,we made our stupid song. That's enough now.” Shaun sniggered a little, to his friends' annoyance. “What makes you think they'll listen?” 

Frank, Neil, Tim, John and Shaun (collectively known as 'Frank and the assholes') were sitting at their regular table in the cafeteria at lunch that day. Admittedly, Frank hated it in there. It was way too loud and his friends were constantly yelling over each other and arguing and throwing stuff. On this particular day, John had bought himself a large pack of Doritos from the shop across the road. He was almost finished and he'd made some kind of bet to Neil and Tim over who could have the rest. He hadn't fulfilled it, which lead to them all fighting. “No! I didn't say you could open you eyes while doing it!” John argued, trying to go for another handful out of the bag before Tim attempted to snatch it. “Fuck off, you didn't even say that in the beginning!” They were like wild animals, trying to snatch a bit of worthless food from each other before ripping the bag open and spilling it on the floor. “Look what the fuck you've done now!” “Shut up! It wasn't my fault, you should've let go!” “You owe me a dollar!” They were a pack of wolves, all this built up testosterone making them rowdy and aggressive. And there was Frank, the 'leader'. Sitting at the head of the table, staring blankly at nothing in particular. 

The squabbling only stopped when Neil gasped loudly before announcing to the table “Look! Its the fat kid!” For some reason, this was big news to three of the five boys sitting there. Shaun and Frank were disinterested, Shaun with his face buried in a book and Frank with his head propped up on his hand looking incredibly bored. “What's he gonna be getting for lunch today?” John snickered. Frank realised how vile their behaviour was once he looked at it from a different angle, when he wasn't laughing along with them. He saw the kid join the lunch line, his hands fiddling with the strap on his leather satchel, and couldn't help but pity him. “What did he say when you sent him it?” Tim smirked, looking at Neil expectantly. “He didn't reply” the others tutted and sighed in discontent. “Sent what?” Frank asked, just picking up on the end of their conversation. “The video of that song” Neil replied. Frank felt his stomach leap and his eyes flew open. “You fucking-” he started, having to stop and bite his knuckle to stop himself from exploding with anger. “You sent him the fucking song after I specifically made it clear he was never to hear it!?” he yelled, making the rest of the table – and the other tables around him – jump. “I-It's just a joke” Neil laughed, because that was Neil's natural defence mechanism when people were angry at him. “It's not a fucking joke! The only reason I went along with that stupid idea was because we needed to make the show longer!” he was fuming now and he realised he was probably gathering quite an audience. “W-what the fuck's the problem, man? It was a fucking joke and he probably doesn't care anyway!” Neil blundered, excuses pouring out of every orifice in him. Frank glanced up at the kid, he was leaving now, with only a bottle of water in his hand. “What's his name?” Frank asked, interrupting his friend in the middle of his excuses. Neil was a little confused at first, but told him anyway if it meant Frank would calm down. 

When Frank got home from school, he went to his laptop and pulled up Facebook. He didn't know what had came over him or what he was trying to achieve by doing this. But with new technology a lot was possible, and he would be an idiot if he didn't take the chance to find out as much as he could about someone while remaining completely anonymous. He typed in the kids name – 'Gerard Way'. It was a pretty strange name, he imagined an old man being called Gerard, not some weird, sixteen-year-old, emo kid. When he hit search, the result he was looking for came up immediately.

'Gerard Way  
Belleville Community High School  
10 mutual friends'

It was pretty obvious that this was him, despite the fact that his profile picture was some cartoon character instead of a photo. He clicked the profile, finding that almost everything was private, to his hindrance. How was he supposed to stalk the guy if he only had his profile pictures open to the public eye. He clicked on his profile pictures but found that most all of them were drawings or comic book characters he'd never seen or heard of. He had one picture of himself, and it was clearly from quite a while ago because he was younger looking and much, much thinner. He clicked the picture, noting that the date was 2010. When he saw the picture enlarged, he saw Gerard had long, black hair – almost the same as he had now, but not nearly as well styled or groomed – and was wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. He was standing in front of some monument and the picture had been taken by someone else – his Mom, most likely. He could've only been about twelve or thirteen at the oldest. It was so weird seeing him without a double chin and acne covering half his face. He wondered what he'd be like now at an average weight. If he ate a lot healthier his skin would probably be clearer, and he was slightly taller than him. Frank didn't want to admit to himself, but Gerard was actually pretty cute. He even had the potential of being hot if he wasn't so miserable all the time. Frank couldn't help but be turned off from the neck down because that's what he'd been conditioned to think, but everything else was alright. 

He slammed his laptop shut, realising what he'd just thought. Sure, he felt sorry for Gerard but he didn't like him. The guy was all mopey and pathetic, if Frank started showing sympathy then the kid would latch onto him like a human shield. He'd mistake Frank's mercy as some kind of protection from his rowdy friends'. He certainly didn't want to become alienated by his friends' for that, and he didn't want a chubby kid loping after him like a loyal dog. He put his laptop down and got up, peeling his shirt off and stretching his arm muscles in preparation for sit-ups. Hopefully pushing his body to breaking point would get his mind in a better place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was quite a bit longer, I've been trying to characterize each of Frank's friends so they're more memorable so I hope they're easier to distinguish now


	6. Fat and Alone - Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank and Gerard come to a realisation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, i've just not been in the writing mood recently

With each passing day, Frank began to realise how annoying his friends' really were. Not just about the whole Gerard thing, but in general. Maybe since he'd been quieter recently, he'd got to observe them from an outside perspective. When he wasn't laughing along, he realised how harsh some of the stuff they said really was. Frank knew he was gay, but his friends' didn't. So when they started to make some remarkable comments about one of the kids' in their classes, it got to him. 

“Eugh, did you see that Jason in gym today?” Tim said, gathering the attention of everyone else. 

“No, why?” Neil asked, leaning forward eagerly as he realised this would be the start of a long conversation. 

“He was totally staring at me when I was getting changed. It was gross” 

“Eugh, no way!” John laughed. 

“I know right, why is he allowed to change with us? Everyone knows he's queer” Frank tried to ignore it, but Tim's voice kept eating away at him - like an irritating dog that wouldn't shut up. He had no choice but to speak up. 

“So what if he's gay, he's not gonna be looking at you is he?” This prompted Neil and John to laugh. 

“What? Of course he is, have you seen this body?” Tim laughed, running his hands up and down his chest comically. 

“No, I'm not fucking around, he wouldn't go for you.” Frank tried to emphasise how annoyed he was in his voice. He was sick of Tim and Neil walking around thinking they could say whatever. 

“Wow, what's up with you? You his best friend now or something?” Tim said defensively as he knew he was losing the argument. Shaun peered over the top of his book while Neil and John looked back and forth between the two parties. 

“You're being a dick. What's he ever done to you?” It was a basic argument that he already knew the answer to, but Frank didn't want them to know why he was really angry. 

“Dude don't act like you're so perfect, you make fun of people too.” Tim sniggered, giving his friend a snide look. That shut Frank up pretty quickly. He never wanted to be a bully, he just happened to laugh at a few horrible jokes sometimes. He didn't really have an argument against it either, because as much as he didn't want to admit it, he had said a few things he wasn't proud of.

So when Frank was in English with Shaun, he decided to confront him about it. “Are you alright with the stuff the guys say?” he asked, in a hushed tone so the teacher wouldn't hear. Shaun took his eyes off the textbook in front of him and shot Frank a puzzled look. “I mean... with what they said today, about that gay guy.” Shaun narrowed his eyes. 

“Of course I'm not okay with it... are you?” They were both unsure of where the other stood on the boundaries of right and wrong. 

“No. I'm sick of the shit they say. It's annoying.” Frank felt relieved after he'd finally admitted that. Knowing he secretly hated his friends' had been a burden for so long, and he was glad someone else understood. He really hoped he and Shaun could get closer, since he was the only friend he really, truly liked hanging out with. Shaun nodded and sighed. 

“I don't really join in those conversations” he admitted, “They used to be okay, but now they just take everything too far.” This was the first time Frank saw Shaun open up to him. He was a pretty quiet guy most of the time and usually spent lunchtimes' with his head in a book or comic, so the only times they got to speak exclusively were when they had class together. 

As Frank was walking home, he started to wonder why he even bothered spending time with Tim and Neil. He remembered how they'd first met: when they were all shoved together in a group task at the very start of their freshman year, they'd stuck to each other ever since. They were all rowdy and disruptive throughout that year, but eventually most of them matured. John was alright sometimes, when it was just the two of them, but somehow Neil and Tim just never matured. They were still the same obnoxious, loud, weird boys they were in freshman year. Frank sighed as he turned the corner, onto the road leading towards his house. He just so happened to look behind him as a car drove past, and noticed a figure lurking a few meters behind him. He squinted at the boy, and soon noticed it was Gerard's brother. 

Mikey noticed him turn and stopped - a little panicked for a second. He tried to save his cover by bending down to tie his shoe and praying that Frank hadn't noticed. He had alright, and he was still staring at him. Mikey realised he was basically stalking the guy, but he didn't care, he needed to find out where he lived. He wasn't too sure what he'd do with that information yet, but he wanted to know everything there was to know about Frank Iero so he could take him down. When he looked up, Frank had gone, which meant he could let out a sigh of relief. Why the hell had he been so stupid? Following the guy? Really? He took that as a sign from god to leave Frank Iero the hell alone. 

Frank was still a little shaken by the encounter. He was constantly checking behind him the rest of the way home to see if the lanky kid was there, but he wasn't. He knew he didn't live around here, and he'd never seen him in the neighbourhood before, so what was his purpose in coming here? Maybe Frank was over-thinking things, but he'd seen plenty of episodes of 'Criminal Minds' to know that weird, nerdy white kids are to be feared. If he went missing in the next few days, he wanted his friends' to know who his killer was. 

“Gerards' brother was following me yesterday” Frank said down the line to Shaun. 

“How do you know?” 

“He was walking behind me, and when I turned round he acted pretty sketchy.” He explained. 

“You sure he wasn't just walking home?” Shaun replied, trying to make sense of the situation. 

“No, he doesn't live round here, I've never seen him nearby before.” 

Shaun was clearly not in the mood for Frank's crippling anxiety, it was late and he needed to get to bed. “I'll see you tomorrow dude.” He said, putting the conversation to rest. Frank mumbled a 'goodnight' and hung up the phone. He'd hoped he and Shaun could get along, but he was starting to notice that Shaun was usually too busy to talk or disinterested in what he had to say. He was so used to being surrounded by people, all the way through middle school and high school he was one of the better-known kids. He wouldn't say he was 'popular', but if you mentioned him in conversation someone would probably say 'oh, that music guy' or 'yeah, that guy from that band' or 'oh, I know, he's in my Chemistry class'. He wasn't used to being so isolated. He'd never felt so lonely in his life.

Gerard – on the other hand – had put up with being lonely for the bigger part of his teenage years. If he wasn't being picked on for his weight, it was the clothes he wore or the music he listened to. That's what landed him in this state in the first place, he'd over-eaten through middle school to cope with the pain from all the bullying. It didn't help. 

Gerard was starting to notice his progress slowing down. He'd been starving himself for almost four weeks now. He'd lost around fifteen pounds (which wasn't much when you considered his goal) but now he wasn't shifting any. He stared down at the scales, sadness bubbling up inside him to the point where he felt his whole chest ache. His body hadn't been functioning properly for the past few weeks, as you could imagine. He was constantly tired and drowsy, which meant falling asleep in almost every one of his classes; he'd stared getting dizzy whenever he moved abruptly, he noticed when he almost fell over after getting out of bed in the morning. He wasn't an idiot, he knew these things were all linked. His stomach was constantly sore as well, he could feel it whenever he moved. He imagined it was shrivelled up like a deflated balloon. 

When he noticed he wasn't moving any more weight, he realised he'd have to do some kind of physical activity to shift it. But what the hell could he do? Gerard had never done any sports outside of kickball with Mikey when they were kids. After a quick brain-storm, he decided the only cardio workout he could do for little money with the resources he had, was running. He was always more energised at night, so on one particular friday evening, he decided to go for a jog. 

He snuck out the back door of the house around eight o'clock, when it was already pretty dark outside. He didn't want any of his family members to see him, so he took care to close the door ever so gently to make as little noise as possible. He then hurried down the path and out of his back garden, into the night. 

He didn't have the proper attire needed for jogging; which made it all the more difficult. He'd started out pretty strong, managing to jog to the bottom of his street at a steady pace without much difficulty, but before long he was huffing and gasping and stumbling all over the place. He'd only been out for about fifteen minutes and he already felt like he was going to pass out. He stopped by a nearby bench and collapsed onto it, his chest heaving and his heart pounding. His head was spinning, he'd been putting his body under so much strain and it was basically running on empty. All the blood had left his head and he almost toppled over; only saving himself by putting a hand out and gripping the metal armrest. At that moment he started to wonder if this was all worth it, if he really was happy living like this. The thought of getting down to a normal weight was a fantasy to him, at least before he had food to keep him happy. He slapped himself – literally – and damned himself for even thinking that. “You do not need food.” He whispered to himself between shaking breaths.


End file.
